I returned home with a feeling of absolute loneliness.
Usually that feeling of being alone in the world is accompanied by a condescending sense of superiority. I scorn all humankind; people around me seem vile, sordid, stupid, greedy, gross, niggardly. I do not fear solitude ; it is almost Olympian.
That night, like many other nights, I was alone as a consequence of my own failings, my own depravity. At such times the world seems despicable, even though I know that I am necessarily a part of it. Then a frenzy to obliterate everything sweeps over me ; I let myself be seduced by the temptation of suicide ; I get drunk ; I look for prostitutes. I receive a certain satisfaction from proving my own baseness, in confirming that I am no better than the lowest of the low around me.
She always says she dislikes the abnormal, it is so obvious. She says the normal is so much more simply complicated and interesting.
28 Days Later OST - Taxi (Ave Maria)
I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts - you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.
those who escape hell
never talk about
and nothing much
Serge Gainsbourg - Ballade de Melody Nelson
(Histoire De Melody Nelson, 1971)
Il y a donc un quelque chose qui détruit ma pensée ; un quelque chose qui ne m’empêche pas d’être ce que je pourrais être, mais qui me laisse, si je puis dire, en suspens.
Le Vent Nous Portera | Sophie Hunger
“Once you are awake, you shall remain awake eternally.”
—F. Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra: Part Three, “The Convalescent,” §1 (excerpt).
Koop Island Blues | Koop
I feel you there, in every pore. Your silence clamors in my ears. You can nail up your mouth, cut your tongue out — but you can’t prevent your being there. Can you stop your thoughts? I hear them ticking away like a clock, tick-tock, tick-tock, and I’m certain you hear mine.